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Surrendering to the Angel of Death

Angela McPherson is a dear friend, teacher, mentor, and soul sister. I could not even begin to imagine where I might be right now if I had not met this badass warrior goddess of a woman. A couple months into 2021, I drove out to Kelowna for an incredible healing session with her (you can read about that here).

It was only fitting to close out 2021 with another session with her in early December. Neither of us planned it. I was working through layers and I felt the call for her assistance. But this time, she was living in the states. It didn’t seem possible. Then when I talked to her about it, she informed me that she was driving through Creston in one week. And she would make time to stop and see me.

I fucking love divine synchronicity. Ang and I always say that you can’t make this shit up. You seriously can’t.

So here it is…I invite you to continue to follow along on this wild, divine, beautiful, chaotic, messy journey that is my life.




The two Amazon Women meet again. This time without their Sacred Masculine anchor. The difference being that the warriors have fully met and embraced their goddess power.

As I rest into the table with the plant medicine having gently opened my body, I feel hands over top of me. But then I realize that Angela is not standing near me.

We are not alone.

As we begin, I am immersed in a field of colour. Brilliant blues, greens, and purples, seeing the wings of peacocks and hummingbirds. The goddesses begin to arrive. From all around the world. Egypt, Africa, Europe, South America. They are all here.

The words “Remember who you are,” whisper through my body.

This is an initiation.

As Ang sweeps the left side of my head, a blast of red and yellow comes in with an energy connecting to tribal ancestors, and then I’m quickly brought back into the glowing purple, blue, and green hues.

My heart begins to open and spirit is begging me to surrender.



Deeper than ever before.

My mind cries, “But if I surrender, who will be there to catch me when I fall?”

The answer comes immediately. “Why do you need anyone to catch you?”

I am here. I catch me.

I surrender more, but there’s still that hook in there. Letting love in still does not feel safe. Even though I know that is not true, that piece of me still believes the fear.

As we move down into my belly, the rumbling, the darkness, the pain. The “thing” that I’ve wanted out of me. It is not to be taken from me because it is a part of me. A part of me that does not define me, but rather a shadow to integrate.

It’s deep, dark, and ancestral. It is the core of my abandonment wound. I see it, I feel it, and I know it. This is not my story. This is not who I am. Not anymore. That version of me is dead now.

I’m allowed to grieve her and let her go.

As we move through my back, I feel the need for release. And I hear it.

My children are not chains. They are as much a part of the journey as I am. I am freer than I have ever been. The only thing limiting me is my mind’s story about what freedom looks like.

And then I see him. Standing off to the side of the boys and I, a figure in the light. No face or identity to be depicted, but a beautiful presence. He’s there and he wants to join us.

But I have to let him.

I am safe. The boys are safe. We are safe.

That woman who was hurt, that woman who chose suffering and pain over and over again, that is no longer me. I am not her.

I am ready for the attunement. I leave the table, put on my clothes, and sit on the stool. As Ang begins, I soon find myself streaming through the galaxies. Every time that she blows on me, a burst of stardust washes through me with her breath.

Then I stand and meet her eyes. That is when I fully surrender.

And I meet the Angel of Death.

I trust Ang to take me there because now I trust myself.

A new level of mastery has been reached.

Another spiritual death complete.

I am ready to step out into the world with the Palace of Butterflies beneath my feet, the Cosmos above my head, and Eagle Medicine under my wings.

I have arrived.

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