I tried to be supermom.
It didn't work.
I've tried it in the past too. It didn't work then either.
That's OK. I'm not very fond of capes anyway. I'd rather wear a cloak, lurk in dark corners of the forest, and give mystical, cryptic advice to passerbys.
But I digress. Back to not being supermom.
In fall of 2021, when the world was going right off the rails, my kids were breaking in the school system. I could hear it in their voices, see it in their eyes, and feel it in their hearts. I had to do something.
They wanted to be homeschooled. A wonderful friend of mine offered to help us and my inner knowing prompted me to follow the path.
I took the leap and became a homeschool mom.
Cosmic starseed mom.
It was hard. Like really hard. We stuck it out for months and I kept telling myself that we'd find a rhythm and it would eventually get easier.
But it never did.
I felt like everything in life became mediocre. Every direction I looked, I was just getting by.
And I was sacrificing myself. When you deplete your own cup, you're not in service to anyone or anything. This I have learned and I was served the reminder.
After the whole dramatic death of my tooth debacle in December, I got the vid and it made me pretty sick. To this day, I'm still sorting out issues that illness created. As a side note, there is not one single thing natural about that v-rus. But that's a post for another day. The point is that my body took a big hit and I'm still recovering from the attack.
I recently got honest with myself. I saw that my kids weren't overly happy, my health was taking a hit, and I felt like I wasn't going to be able to keep up the mediocre juggling act much longer.
During spring break, I sat the boys down and said, "Look, I'm feeling like this isn't working for any of us and I think it might be time for you to return to school."
They agreed. They were delighted. They wanted to return to school. I was actually surprised by the lack of resistance.
I let them decide where they returned, as they have been in two different schools since we moved back. They confidently made their choices and were excited to return.
One night when we were driving home, I said to them, "I'm glad we tried homeschooling. We needed to try it and we learned a lot. It wasn't a failure. Sometimes we need to try things to find out that it's not right for us. It was right for us in the moment and now, that's not our path. Instead of feeling like we failed, we simply take the learning, growth, and good we got from it, and we leave the rest behind."
Jackson kind of chuckled, "Mom, that's what you said about the ski trip!"
I agreed. "You're right. Good point. Because this is life honey. Take the learning, growth, and good, and leave the rest of that shit behind. And remember that sometimes, all we need is a change in perspective."
In many ways, at least in terms of schooling, we're right back to where we started. But that's not a failure at all. We're not stuck on a loop. We're moving on a spiral. We've rounded a turn on the spiral with a new, fresh perspective. With greater clarity.
I still believe much of the school system is bs, and that the curriculum attempts to indoctrinate our kids in many ways. But I'm now more prepared to remedy that. And I'm raising sharp, wise boys. I think they'll be alright.
And me. I have some work to do, but I feel good about it. This is the first week that my kids haven't been home since October. I've cleaned my house better than it's been cleaned since. I've taken time for me and cared for myself in ways I haven't in some time. I'm making plans for my business that have been sitting on the shelf for months because I haven't had the time.
I'm finding my balance again and keeping committed to my healing, growth, and expansion. Because when my cup is full, I'm in better service to everyone, especially my boys.
Life is a wild adventure. We really never know where it's going to take us next. Staying present, being in the flow, getting clear on our intentions, and being willing to take leaps of faith is all that any of us can do.
So here's to fresh starts, new beginnings, deeper wisdom, bigger hearts, and free-er spirits.
Cheers to living wild and well!