As we approached the city, we were greeted with that well-known feedlot odor. And as we neared the exit to Mayor Magrath, my son exclaimed, "Oh my god mom, look at all the garbage!"
Grey. Windy. Dirty. Garbage blowing in trees.
Yep. Still Lethbridge.
As we toured around for the next two days, it was apparent that much of Lethbridge had stood still in time. Despite a familiarity from 21 years ago, I was surprised by how little I remembered from my time spent there.
I truly did leave a lot behind when I left the city.
This time, I arrived with curiosity and wonder. Why did I feel such a strong pull to return here? Why did spirit bring me back?
This trip was about having fun with my kids. We had a blast at the trampoline park. We spent hours swimming and playing at the Y's aquatic centre. (That facility is an amazing new addition to West Lethbridge.)
My inner child came out full force playing with my kids. Running up the stairs and having races down the waterslides, playing water volleyball, floating around the lazy river, and diving into the deep end. It honestly did my heart so much good. I don’t believe that I ever had that much fun in the entire year and a half that I lived there.
On our last morning in the city, I pondered my return 21 years later and how—from a healing and growth standpoint—it felt almost anticlimactic. As much as I didn’t have any expectations upon my return, with such a strong pull to return combined with so many other things that took place prior, I couldn’t help but feel that “something” would take place.
But maybe this was to be more subtle. Simply about having a wonderful time with my kids. And surely that was all that my heart needed.
On our last morning, after having breakfast, we were getting into the vehicle and my mom started laughing telling me how when she cleaned the vehicle out earlier that morning, she almost threw out my rock in the door because she wasn’t wearing her glasses and she thought it was a balled up napkin.
Oh my god, the rock.
“I brought that to take it down to the coulee. I totally forgot.”
My mom understood without me even having to tell her. She told me that there was no problem with taking the time to do that before we left if that was something that I needed.
And it was. After a ridiculous shopping trip to Costco, down to the coulee we went.
When we got down there, my mom knew that I needed a few minutes to myself. She kept the boys busy and I went and walked along the river. I hadn't felt much for emotion up until that point, and in that moment, it hit me like a wave.
I held the rock in my hand that had quartz and what looked like black tourmaline in it that I picked from Riondel Beach on Spring Equinox the weekend prior. I knew it needed to come with me to be left in the coulee.
As I walked, I pondered all the possible spots I could place it, knowing that I didn't have a lot of time. There was a bench on the river bank and I thought that was as good a place as any. And then that inner voice nudged me to go around the bend.
So I did.
I was greeted by a beautiful Cottonwood Hollow and right before the entrance sat an old fallen sister with her beautiful ancient roots sticking up in the air.
Ahhh, that's where you go.
As I stood there under grey, overcast skies, I noticed that there was no wind. Unusual for Lethbridge.
I faced toward the river, closed my eyes, hands on my heart, and intentionally and lovingly released all the painful threads of the past that this place held for me. I called on my guides and allies and requested to use the rock as a beacon to anchor in the light, opening the Gaia and Galactic Gateways, drawing the energy from below and above me, through and out my heart, sending rays of light around the entire region. At the moment that I did, the wind came in one giant gust, and I smiled, feeling spirit answer my call. Without words, I said, "I know you're here and listening, thank you."
As I opened my eyes, the sun peaked out from the overcast skies casting warmth across my face. I smiled again, knowing I completed what I came to do. I placed the rock in the roots and went on my way, feeling yet another weight lifted from my body.
As I neared the start of the trail, I was thinking about what Lethbridge offered me all those years ago. In many ways, it was the first time as a young adult that I was strong enough to stand up for myself and act from my heart regardless of what that meant losing. That's a pretty big deal.
Rewriting the story.
And as I thought this, something was rustling in the bushes right beside me. I stopped and curiously looked in to see if I could catch a glimpse of what it was, and when I was almost ready to give up, out popped a pheasant right in front of me. A bird that wants space to roam freely and spread its wings. A bird that carries such beautiful messaging with it.
There's your sign, Danette. I almost laughed out loud. Once again, thank you spirit.
As I got back to the vehicle I looked at the time...
1:11
11 degrees outside
Right on track.
And then the drive home…2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55.
I'm ready for the next steps. The next chapter. And I can feel it. It’s here.
But I have a pull to one more place.
There's one more place I need to go stand. The final thread in the unweaving of the pain from my past. The place where this healing journey started, coming full circle.
Let the unraveling complete.
To be continued...