Have you ever thought about how our experiences shape us? How we interact with the people and places that have left us wounded and hurting. And the choices we can make to stay with the hurt and tell ourselves the same stories over and over, or become accountable and empower ourselves.
When I reflect back on my life, I see that I have endured hardship and hurt on many levels. And it might feel quite easy to spend the rest of my life pointing fingers and blaming people for essentially what are my own behaviours, patterns, and choices. Framing it as what “they” did to me.
My parents, family members, ex-husband, ex-lovers, shitty teachers, mean kids, hurtful friends...that list is long. I could lash out and cut them down, trying to make them feel as terrible as I do. Rubbing their noses in what I perceive as the mistakes or poor choices they have made (which often were the best choices they were capable of making at the time).
But where does that leave me?
In a low-vibing, toxic cesspool of my own shit.
And who wants to be there?
I've been there and believe me, it fucking sucks.
The reality is that once you start doing your work to unravel your layers of trauma, raw hurt, and pain, you find the truth. And the truth is that all those things that all those people did to you, and all those things that you did to yourself...they’re not worth holding on to. Holding on to all that baggage is literally like drinking poison day in and day out. It poisons your spirit, your body, and your mind.
The only thing that really matters are the choices that you make today. To move forward. To stop blaming and shaming—yourself and others—and instead become accountable and responsible for your own healing and the direction you go from here.
This is where you will find true growth and transformation. It takes time. Patience. Perseverance. Compassion. Love. It's not easy, but it’s worthwhile. More worthwhile than you might imagine. But until you make the conscious choice to become accountable for yourself, nothing will change.
Until then, you'll keep repeating the same behaviours and patterns. Making the same choices, ending up in the same relationships, choosing the same partners and friends. It all may look different on the surface. You may do an amazing job of convincing yourself that it looks different.
But it's not.
Because we all keep repeating toxic cycles until we're willing to break and heal those pieces inside of ourselves that keep creating them.
So here’s your invitation…the next time you find yourself blaming or shaming someone, cutting someone down, or being mean to them because they deserve it for how they wronged you, pause. Take a pause and a breath and ask yourself, "What is it in me that needs attention here?"
Shift your energy. Take responsibility for your own life and embody the energy that you want to attract. Heal what you need to heal. Change what you need to change. End what you need to end. Set firm boundaries where they are needed.
And remember that nothing other people have done to you is your fault, but how you move forward with it, heal and grow from it is 100% your responsibility. 100%.
Check out my YouTube video where I talk about this subject: https://youtu.be/_FfYJI8fYs4