I gave up online dating quite a while ago, but recently curiosity called and I turned on FB Dating for shits and giggles. Well, shits and giggles indeed.
I wouldn't even call it dating really. We need another term for it. And all the usual classics still exist.
This world is full of guys who just want to hook up (I'd imagine those women exist too, but I'm writing this through my lens).
There's two main categories of hook up men.
The first is the honest ones. They tell you that's what they want right in their profiles. I actually appreciate these men. Honesty is a rare trait in the online world. If this is what you're looking for, fill your boots. If not, move on. Simple.
Oh, but then there's the other type of hook up man. I can recognize them a mile away. Usually charming and flirtatious. These guys say all the right things. They just so happen to like everything you like and agree with everything you say. They are super interested in you and send you all the good morning and good night texts and everything in between. And they also want to meet you right away, typically in a setting or situation where they can easily charm you from a bar stool to a bed post.
Then there's the "I just really don't want to be alone" guys. They're chatty, but they usually focus on themselves. This last time around, I texted with a guy for two days and in that time, NOT ONCE did he ask me one question about me or my life, my career, my kids. Not a single thing. The focus was all on him, what he liked to do, and how it would be so much better to have a companion to do that stuff. And literally without knowing a single thing about me other than the three sentences in my profile, maybe I wanted to drive to him (2 hours away) to hang out and do the things he likes.
Um, no thanks.
The other two types really perplex me. The first is the guy who starts a conversation and then almost immediately goes mute. Forever. I'm not really sure why they start talking in the first place. What is the response that they want?
The one guy who "liked me" and started messaging, he's liked and messaged me at least twice in the past. But hey, we're here for shits and giggles so I accepted his request to see what would happen...the same thing that happened every other time. It's absurd. I debated putting it out there and asking him what the hell out of sheer curiosity, but I really wasn't that invested.
The other perplexing type is what I call the trophy guy. The ones who like and match you and then just sit there. Crickets. Even when you message them. They either don't reply or reply in two words. I can only assume that these guys enjoy collecting likes, hence the trophy guy title.
This one man who "liked and matched" me, I messaged and along with asking a couple questions to start a conversation, I pointed out that he had a great smile and good vibe in his photos. His response? "Aww, thanks."
Um, ok, next.
As a person who is full of depth and authenticity, you can see why I don't enjoy 'online dating.' And honestly, it takes a lot of time and energy that I'm just not willing to give. Dating isn't supposed to be a hustle, in my opinion.
Many people will also say that online dating apps are only for people looking to hook up. I wouldn't argue with this. A majority of men are using it for this purpose.
I ran an experiment once, years ago. I set up a fake account. One picture, my boobs (clothed) with great cleavage. My name was Tiffany and I had a two sentence profile along the lines of girls just want to have fun. I swiped right on most everyone and waited to see what happened.
The response was overwhelming. One-third hilarious, one-third disgusting, one-third downright sad. My inbox was on fire. I couldn't read the messages as fast as they came in. It was crazy.
So yes, hook up culture on dating apps is prominent. I had a time in my life where I actively participated in it as well. It's actually a great tool for getting to know yourself and discovering your sexuality, but that's a whole different post.
I've experienced it all from men who were active criminals, men who were married and did one hell of a job pretending they were single, one man drank so much on our first date that he was in the bathroom puking. Another guy I was with for three months lied about his identity. Fake name, fake life story. The list goes on...
But it wasn't all a bust. I met some really great men too. Ones who challenged me in healthy ways and encouraged me to grow without hurt and pain.
The entire process was certainly a valuable teaching that has me here today. A place where I love ME and my own company so much that I'd never fill space in my life out of loneliness or lust. And it helped me develop my intuition to a whole new level.
I'm sure that one day my dating stories will fill the pages of a book. And I look forward to reading Velva Dawn Silver 's upcoming book, Unwinding the Divine Masculine. I suspect that it will be a worthy read.
In the meantime, I'll continue being me, doing my thing, and trusting in the divine plan for my life. And maybe I'm picky AF. But that's ok...I'm not willing to settle. I've done too much of that in my life.
I have no doubt that there are amazing, conscious men on dating apps, and online dating may work for some people, but this cat is taking her curiosity elsewhere. I've always preferred organic anyway.